I felt compelled to blog tonight for a few reasons. One is about fatherhood and the other is about living my life the only way I can; being me. Easter was amazing today...it's funny how being the Easter Bunny for your kid can light up your day and appreciate your own parents as you look back on the years. Kevin woke up this morning and said, "Happy Easter - Bunny bring M&Ms???" haha - I am glad he mentioned the M&Ms last night so Daddy Bunny could go to Walgreens last night. Truth be told, we could have just got him that and the fake grass in the basket and he would have been happy! The look on his face as he came down the steps was priceless. It looked like he was shocked that a bunny hopped all over the place and brought him all these goodies. I am actually glad he looked shocked because the idea is completely ridiculous! What I was most proud of today is the way he reacted when he saw the rest of the family today (Gram, Pop, Uncle Brad, Uncle Michael, Anna, Molly and all the other family). I knew that he felt the same way I did and still do when he saw everyone. He looked at me as if to say, "Dad, this is way better than anything that could have been in my basket!!" Of course he could have meant, "YESSS, Gram is here and now I know I will be getting MORE stuff and BETTER stuff than that bunny brought me!" But, I am banking on the the first feeling...holidays were never about the gifts for me, but for the time I spent with my family, and it truly felt to me that he thought that too - even at 22 months old!
Another reason to write this evening is to respond to many people that have asked me about my weight loss over the last few weeks. By far, the most common question has been: "Why are you making this so public?" For me the reasons are simple. Although this journey seems to be a personal one and one that I need to forge ahead on alone, I feel that I made my struggles with weight in the past extremely public. Everywhere I went, I would not be a healthy person - I would eat whatever I wanted, I would be slow around the bases in my softball games, or drink as much as I wanted at the bar. Looking back - I have always worn my heart on my sleeve and never really kept anything private. I got to my heaviest in front of a lot of people I care deeply about (my parents, my brothers, my family, and even my wife and son). And to me, the "recovery" part of this journey needs to be out there and in front of them too. I'm sure that a lot of you had conversations and feelings about me that worried most of you. For all the pain and worry I put you all through - let me apologize from the bottom of my heart. This may sound weird, but I am battling a lot of inner feelings during this process - but the #1 thing that haunts me is letting myself get to that point in front of everyone, as if I was doing it in front of no one...So, I post these things and post each week about my weight loss not just to get praise and pats on the back, but as an apology and thank you to all of you that cared and worried about me through the years. I am doing this for me, but a large part of this is for each and every one of you that never gave up on me.
Much like the "open book" revealing of my journey, I also posted on facebook that I have registered for a 5k in October. I have got some comments that question why I posted that in such a public way, as if it were biting off a bit more than I can chew. Trust me, after the first week of training for this some of the same feelings entered my mind. But let me tell you this....I WILL finish that 5k....whether I am running, walking, crawling or rolling. To me, it seemed like the one thing I hated to do the most (running) and something I never thought I could do - that's why it must be done!
So, I am just being me by posting all the info about my journey because I feel like I owe it to everyone to overcome these obstacles and to say how much I appreciate all of your kinds words of encouragement.
"I'll never let you down again, I'M BACK...I promise to never go back on that promise" - EMINEM
Happy Easter - I hope you all had a great time with family and friends - they are all that matters in life!
Check the status tomorrow with week 24 results! See you at the finish line!